All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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