Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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