And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Buhtt sex?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
