My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
