now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
