Define "chronic" masturbator.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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