Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
