i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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