i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
