if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize