I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
