If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
