I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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