Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
