dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
whose ass print is on the piano?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
