the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
