I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
