would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize