He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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