yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
