the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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