garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have tasted many bathrooms
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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