my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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