let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
