The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
