My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
