Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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