umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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