Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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