Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
