onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So vagazzling was a success
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize