Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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