White coat. Heels.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
do herpes really smell.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
