So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Im part way to drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
