im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
