My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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