On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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