Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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