I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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