And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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