Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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