I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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