me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
