It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
