THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
