i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
