Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
