who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
