Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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