I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
