and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize