WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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