when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
