he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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