Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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