2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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