Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
