I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
