Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
