well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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