Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
